An interesting bit of weird shit – reports of a man “who looks like a Smurf” behaving suspiciously in the Forest of Dean are being investigated by Gloucestershire Police, who said they had received several reports of a man in a blue morph suit with blue paint on his face in Longhope.
One witness said the man, who was seen waving at women and running up to them doing star jumps, “looked like a Smurf”.
Officers say they are keen to speak to the man to establish his motives.
Now I’ve got a bit of local knowledge here, having been brought up in Gloucestershire, before I managed to escape all those years ago. While the Forest of Dean is indeed part of Gloucestershire, it’s also separated from the rest of the county by the River Severn, a kind of enclave sandwiched between Herefordshire and South Wales.
As a result, it’s seen as a bit isolated and it’s inhabitants a bit odd…basically, The Forest is to Gloucestershire what Norfolk is to England – the kind of place where any increase in the population is reckoned to have the odds-on chance of being as a result of improper relations with one’s sister. It may be significant that mass murderer and incest enthusiast Fred West, while not coming from the Forest exactly, was certainly a product of it’s hinterland.
So normally I’d have expected Gloucestershire Police to react to reports of a Smurf doing star-jumps at women with a statement along the lines of “It’s the Forest…what do you expect ?” I can only assume that the reason they are keen to esthablish his motives is because they’re running a book on what he’s up to.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t like to totally discount the possibility that there really are feral Smurfs on the loose there, perhaps released into the wild by bored owners, or alternatively transported from another dimension.
Chalk up another one for The Forest, anyway…